WTF?
SantaCon is a not-for-profit, non-political, non-religious & non-logical Santa Claus convention, attended for absolutely no reason.
New condensed XXXMas Carol books!
SantaCon is a convention for SANTA and SANTA'S MINIONS.
It is NOT a bar crawl for assholes wearing a Santa hat!
Be creative and entertain your red brethren with your costume, antics, gifts, and jolly fuckin' attitude.
And do your part in mocking lame asshat Santa.
Nice.
Santa thanks all the Santa who brought canned food for the food drive!
Last year Santa donated 1,000 lbs of food to the NYC food bank. Santa is still waiting for this years numbers.
Santa's Rules:
- Santa looks like Santa. HOLIDAY APPAREL IS MANDATORY. A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. Get creative: be a Secret Santa, a Santasaurus, Candy-cane, a Reindeer, a Chanukah Chicken, a goddamn latke, Stewardess Santa, Knight Rider Santa, Crusty Peace Punk Santa, the occasional Legless Reindeer, Chanukah Squirrel, Emo-Elf, or the Santichrist.
Just don't wear your fucking jeans.
- Santa acts like Santa. Be jolly. Belly-laugh. Let people sit on your lap. Give out gifts.
Santa loves reindeer games, stripper poles and creatively concealed guzzle-ables.
- Santa doesn't seek media attention. "Ho-ho-ho" is good. "Publicity ho" is lame.
- Santa doesn't get arrested. Please remember the FOUR FUCKS:
- Don't fuck with kids.
- Don't fuck with cops.
- Don't fuck with security.
- Don't fuck with Santa.
Santa's Guidelines:
IT'S A LONG DAY, SO BE PREPARED. Here's some tips to keep your sleigh running.
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Eat something.
Santa is responsible for his own feeding! This is New York City -- if reindeer can figure it out, so can you.
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Stay hydrated & pace yourself.
Try some water in between your milk and cookies.
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Bring a MetroCard.
Santa doesn't like waiting while hundreds of drunks attempt to use the machines.
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Santa is responsible for his own inebriation.
SantaCon is NOT a bar crawl -- it's a convention. There will be bar stops, but they will be VERY crowded. Santa does not advocate breaking open container laws! Santa's just sayin'...
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Pay your own damn bar tab and tip bartenders well for putting up with Santa.
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Dress warm.
Wear layers so you'll be comfortable anywhere from the North Pole to the strippers' pole.
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Stay with the group.
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Don't be "that" Santa.
Your friends want to have fun, not scrape the puke outta your beard or prevent your wasted ass from wandering into traffic.
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Santa does not make children cry (unless they whine, snivel, or otherwise deserve it).
Really - If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. Feel free to urinate on the parents. Tourists fall somewhere in between the two -- adjust depending on their attitude.